Emptying my cup

09 December 2021

I don’t think I would have a space of ease without my monthly therapy sessions—not yet but on most days, I can now deal with my anxiety through dealing with it and not running from it.

Speaking from a background of convenience, I’ve been living comfortably all my life. I’ve had my share of troubles, that’s for sure. As I grow older, I begin to understand that most of the issues I struggle/d with is/was rooted within the confines of my mind.

Fighting my demons instead of getting to know them was what stopped me from getting to know myself. Life—really—doesn’t work that way. It never stops for anyone, not even a mental breakdown.

It took quite a while to truly resonate with these sage words I first read from one of my political theory readings by the great Heraclitus that says “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.”

It might be a byproduct of a pandemic life realization or something that stuck from a campaign of my past corporate life. I’ve learned to believe that what’s essential is learning how to pivot without pivoting from your why.

Plans are great but resiliency will take you places. For as long as you remember your “why” failing doesn’t mean you’re a failure and lost time doesn’t equate to lost opportunity. Rather, it’s taken as a space to recognize the balance between contentment and resolute. [I think] I’ll always be en route to this new found mindset but this time, I’m taking my time.

It’s true what they say, you become what you surround yourself with. I used to think emptying my cup simply meant I had to unload my unease. Speaking from a better headspace, no wonder I never spoke wonders.

Today, I empty my cup by watching a fun video, reading a book at a cozy cafe nearby, starting the day with yoga, or simply scrolling through Rustan's.

Today, I empty my cup by  dealing with my demons instead of shrugging them off and unconsciously disposing it on everyone else.

Today, I empty my cup by talking to God about what scares me and what excites me. Talking about what I wish I did and what I hope to happen. 

Today, I empty my cup by handling it with care and refilling it with memories that bring me joy.

Borrowing the wise words from Wendell Phillips that says “Life is a work in progress." I’ve learned that it’s okay not to be at this headspace all the time. What’s essential is learning how to get by and not get beaten by. 

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