The truth about my college life

This post has been the hardest to write by far. It's far more than the revelation (that people refuse to believe) that I learned to take the bus and jeepney in college.

The challenge stems from trying to sum up years worth of experiences in just a few paragraphs. How do I give justice to the delight and distress, the luck and misfortune, when all I have are my words? Here it goes...

I started attending university in 2012 as a passive, indifferent, and restless Political Science major. I attended classes, read cases, and wrote critic papers just for the sake of it. My grades were great, my friends were great, everything was great—but I wasn't. All because the rebel in me thought political science didn't sit well with my magazine content creator dream. Fast forward to 2014. I created a Jobstreet account, applied in every suitable job possible, and was employed for 4 months. I quit the corporate ordeal (which in realization, I was still too raw for), and attempted to sign up for classes. (Attempted being the imperative word.) Long story short, I took a year off from school. I spent two semesters at home in my pajamas. I was miserable at best. I was at war with myself.

It was the break I didn't know I needed from the rest of the world. Not many know of it because I disconnected from the people I connected with the most. I even deactivated my social media accounts. I was depressed. I didn't have the passion, I didn't have the drive to do anything—I was lost. The infamous midlife crisis, if you may. A little too early for a full blown crisis at 19 but it felt like the world was on my shoulders.

I learned to live day by day with the help of my strong support system—my solid circle of family and friends. It took me a while to touch base with the idea that the silver lining doesn't just come in the grand scheme of things. It's in the sunrise and the sunset; it's in the great cup of morning coffee; it's in the beautiful jogging view. It's in the little things.

In 2015, I was a shiftee-returnee. The anxiety of adapting to a new curriculum, new people, new environment was gushing at me. A few months and cash flows later, Finance felt like home. However, to be completely honest, I had episodes of regret. My original batch mates were making it in their respective careers while I was starting over and, well, older than most of my recent peers. But it all felt like I was were I should be. Like everything was in place—and that brought peace to my heart.

Letting go of my old habits to enable a new life, was a misconception in retrospect. Since then, it has been a strong reminder that I don't have to entirely let go of who I was to find who I am and where I want to be. As Steve Maraboli puts it:“I am who I am because the tears of my past have watered the magnificence of my present.”

Here's to road trips, beach trips, kbbq repetitions, humongous burgers, and spontaneous margarita runs at 3pm. Ahhh, college life. The best roller coaster ride of my life.

5 years ago, I thought I'd be some madam sashaying my way to a meeting today. Today, I'm 23, unemployed, and still shaking away 6.5 years worth of academic stress from my system—but I have never been more contented with who I am and that's the best takeaway from all the chaos that has been.

Fast forward to 2018, a Dean's Lister and a fresh graduate.

12103372, officially signing off.