Let it flow, Let it go

23 January 2022

Every time I disappointed myself, I swallowed it down—hard—and internalized the sour taste of my unmet expectations.

For quite a chunk of this lifetime, I spent it controlling what I can't: Long bus lines, horrible traffic, and the way people responded to me.

Dr. John Murphy emphasizes the importance of selecting thoughts, ideas, and premises that bless, heal, inspire, and fill your soul with joy. It wouldn't have resonated with a 19-year old who lived on a conclusion that life is supposed to be a dramatic Blair Waldorf glamour.

"Mind your own business" is something often said to others out of spite. When I started directing myself to mindfully learn my psyche, I sought it as my life mantra. It's when I learned that a huge fraction of my headspace was consumed by the anxiety of how others perceived me—almost just as much as I observed others. It might stem from a trauma but I learned that what works for me is getting rid of a wilted branch and watering seeds of optimism.

Getting to this mindset took a year of therapy, a lot of back and forth, and a strengthened faith. It's challenging to hold your breath for gaslighters and bandwagons but as everything else, baby steps. It rings true that it's often not what you say but how you say it. Not quite a zen Buddhist and little inconveniences still tick me off but all is well in a peaceful heart and a faith-filled waiting.

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