It only has to matter to me

06 August 2021

My effort to self-discovery has left me beyond feeling sorry for so many things––and that includes slightly abandoning this tiny space I [still] call sanctuary.

To others, the big leaps I've done may seem minuscule and unnecessary––fuzzy and insincere––somber and desolated. I am unapologetic when I say it took me a handful of visits to my therapist before having a sufficient grasp on the emphasis of self-love.

Getting in touch with myself has allowed me to identify what works for me––and frankly speaking, knowing what doesn't have helped me the most. For context, I was raw with feelings of extreme unease that manifested into a slightly 16-hour dizzy feeling. I didn’t understand any of it or where it was coming from.

Tara Schuster said it's important to acknowledge what you feel then accept it. Repulsing it only makes it worse. Others might say that it's impractical to not be on Facebook, that botanical facials are unnecessary, or that it’s too soon to invest in a property. Although it might not make sense, these things that deem unimportant are the ones that keep me afloat. It's good to keep their feelings in check, but never forget about yours. To each his own, they said.

It took me time to realize that it only has to matter to me. I’ve moved past the thought that I need to be in on the 411 or that I need to hoard skincare like everybody else. Self-love comes in different forms. It may be as simple as a facemask and a good nap or as grand as an eat-pray-love sabbatical. Simply put, the things that work for you only have to matter to you.

The most important nugget of wisdom I've discovered and I'd like to share is, "To hell with them."

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